(Photo by mark lorch)

Before you roll any of your life’s principle, think the many exclusion to those rules.

1. Be Yourself

But not if… You are a non-conformist.

“Be yourself!” exhort the power motivators and self-help gurus. But what if you’re an eccentric; scarcely accepted within your family, let alone your community! Terry, 26, is one such person. An artist, she has lived her life in acknowledged aloofness from friends and family. She loves what she calls her “weirdness”, but learned a long time ago that sometimes, she must conform. “I think being yourself is very important,” says Kerry. “But when I go for job interviews or meet clients, I don’t show up in my paint-stained dungarees - they want to talk business, not art.” Similarly, she hides her melancholic spirit when with her boyfriend’s family, so she doesn’t appear depressed. “I’m thankful to be able to be myself for 80 percent of the time. Most girls don’t even get that.”

2. Be Loyal

But not if… It’s to someone (or something) that is illegal.

Loyalty is still one of society’s most noble traits, and becoming increasingly hard to come by. Spouses are unfaithful to each other, employees are disloyal to companies and citizens betray their countries every day for their own benefit. But loyalty is a double-edged sword, and must be exercised with discretion. An obvious example would be staying loyal to an abusive partner as it’d only encourage him. He feels more powerful and more in control because you stay with him in spite of what he does. Many employees have also felt the long arm of the law reach for them in the business world when they are caught for feigning ignorance of their boss’ wrongdoings. Remember, the law does not forgive ignorance - you are expected to know what is right and wrong whether or not you’ve read the full text of all the Acts.

3. Be Courageous

But not if… You endanger yourself.

Stupidity in bravery is not uncommon these days. Many women have regretted putting up a struggle against snatch thieves, and a few have lost their lives fighting criminals. Sad but true, sometimes, cowardice pays. “But what is cowardice?” argues Jane, a 28-year-old victim of a snatch thief. “In the heat of the moment, the first thought that comes to your mind is to fight. It actually takes more courage to deny this basic instinct than it is to struggle with a desperate criminal.”

4. Be Humble

But not if… Opportunity presents itself.

We’re expected to live as equals no matter what day jobs we do. But being humble can also cost you opportunity. Susan, a 29-year-old entrepreneur, has learned the hard way that no one sells by being humble. Understating your achievements in business makes it so much easier for the competitors to shine. “I didn’t want to seem a braggart, so whenever I networked I tried my best to play down my success,” says Susan. “But in doing so, I was losing the chance to make positive impressions about my business - it must have cost me thousands of dollars in lost sales and leads!” No one is going to sell yourself for you - be humble about everything, except your achievements.

(things no 5-8 to be continued…)